Plants & Manginas: A Depressed Girl's Guide to a Happy Home

Buddha heads! Plants! A jar full of Prozac!

Depression is defined as, "feelings of severe despondency and dejection", although everyones depression is different. My personal depression more so defines as "really fucking horny and really fucking sad". I mope around and masturbate all day.

The only real things that has actually helped my melancholy is a mood stabilizer, adderall, illicit substances and good dick.

So, since we can't self medicate all the time, here are some little tips to make your home a more enjoyable place to be, from one sad bitch to another.

The crazy plant lady is the new crazy cat lady.

My life? Couldn't care less. The succulent's life? Center of my world. Get some fucking plants! They just might distract you from that constant feeling of doom.

A mangina, or something like that

I had a picture of my ex boyfriends mangina on my fridge for quite a bit. No matter how fucking sad I was that shit always sparked joy. Put a mangina (or something like that) on your wall.

A jar full of benzos, or Prozac, whatever works for you

Get a cute jar. Fill it with drugs of choice. *

Self-help books that are to be displayed, not read

Go to Barnes and Noble when you're feeling a little manic. Buy a bunch of self help books while you promise yourself you're going to change. Put them around your home and never again find that wonderful motivation you had on on that Tuesday afternoon when you bought them, but take some sort of comfort knowing that they look cute scattered about, and that, well, you at least fucking tried to change.

Fattening snacks that you'll enjoy in the moment but definitely fucking regret later

Gummy bears are always a regrettable choice. Halo Top ice cream is a little more forgiving, and cookie dough, for when you're really going through it.

A nice collection of vibrators

Just a few things to hold you through your phase of sadness. A rabbit, Hitachi, maybe a dildo. Things to entertain yourself with while you refuse to leave the house for a few days

Depression fucking sucks. I've had days where death seems like a more favorable option then getting out of bed. Since I'm blessed with bipolar disorder, I know that the depression will fade, and the true excitement of a manic phase will kick in short after. I hope everyones depression fades away, but if it doesn't, put some plants up, buy something funny and eat a shit ton of carbs.

*im fucking joking.

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