Do You Really Want Bangs? Or Do You Just Need To See Your Therapist?

Updated: Apr 19, 2019

A definitive guide:

Have you recently gone through a breakup?

If the answer is yes, you just need to see your therapist. Getting bangs is not going to make your forget about him. Its just going to put you in the club of “girls who got bangs after they got dumped”. And do you really want to be in that club?

Did you just turn 30? Or another scary milestone?

Yes? You’re simply anxious about this milestone, go see your fucking therapist bout how you feel unfulfilled with where you are in life.

Are you on new anti-depressants?

You are? It’s just drug-induced mania. Wait a couple weeks and then revisit the idea. Also, go see your therapist.

Is your apartment a mess?

Clean it first, then reassess. Control over your hair does not equal control over your apartment. Don't get the bangs, see your therapist regarding your control issues.

Did you just get into a relationship?

No one wants bangs when they first get into a relationship. Go see your therapist, you're a sociopath.

Have you had sex lately?

If you're having a dry spell, you don't want bangs. You're hormones are just acting up due to lack of dick. Go get laid. See your therapist, maybe you're a sex addict?

Did you just start watching New Girl?

Oh, you did? When it comes to bangs, Zoey Deschanel is the exception, not the rule. You can’t pull it off like she can. Stop, don’t get bangs. No life altering event here, but still- go chat with your therapist, you're impulsive.

Have you been drinking?

Oh, no honey, you definitely don't want bangs. Go see your therapist, you're borderline reckless.

Do you have no idea where your life is going and you have no sense of purpose and are constantly lacking motivation while your sex drive keeps increasing and you can’t control it?

Get the bangs. It’ll change everything. Your credit score will rise 40 points. You will suddenly find your purpose and you'll even become more fertile. Get the fucking bangs.

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